Morning friend ☕

Merry Xmas! I had a great (but short) time in Durbs with family last week. Was so good to have some down time and just reconnect with everyone - nothing recharges the the heart and soul more, don’t you agree?

And we’ll need that emotional energy for 2026 😅

So, I hope you are doing the same too with your family and friends.

Today, we are back on the Emotionally Intelligent Leader series.

Episode 1 was about noticing the emotional signal inside you.

Episode 2 was about holding that moment long enough to choose your response rather than react impulsively.

Episode 3 is about reading others.

Because you can read yourself perfectly and still mess up the room.

How do you do this?

Grab your coffee.

Let's chat!

The news is bad.

A project slipped. A client is upset. A target wasn’t hit. A senior leader demands answers.

You call a meeting.

Everyone is bang on time, in person and on Teams.
But cameras are off.
Mics are muted.
Laptops are open, like shields.

They know what’s coming…

You've got two moves available.

Move One: Jump into fix-it mode.

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do. Review the work breakdown. Assign clear ownership. Track progress daily. Recover fast."

It's logical. It's decisive. It’s your strength as a manager.

But, it also lands heavy. And ignores what's already in the room.

Move Two: You register the weight on the team first.

You take a moment to show you can see them.

"I know this is tough, guys. Let's talk about what happened before we jump to what's next."

Same room. Different temperature.

I myself have chosen Move One more times than I want to admit.

Walked in ready to solve, only to realize ten minutes later I was the only one talking. Felt like nobody wanted to say anything. But actually, I just hadn't made it safe for them to do so.

When people don't feel seen, they don't debate. They comply.
The meeting ends aligned. The updates get cleaner.
But the risks end up becoming issues later.

And once again, you and your team are in the dog box.

Eventually you hear the reason:
"Yeah, we saw it earlier. Just didn't want to pile it on."

The cost of telling the truth was just too high for the team.

When Leia meets Wicket on Endor, he doesn’t greet her.

He flinches.
Holds back.
Eyes wide, like this forest has taught him what strangers mean.

And it has.

The Empire planted its shield generator on his moon and treated the Ewoks like scenery. No permission. No acceptance. No empathy. Just power.

Leia could do the same thing in a nicer voice.

The Rebellion needs help. Urgently.
Every minute matters.

So the easy move is pressure. Explanation. “We need you.”

She doesn’t.

She offers food. Lowers her hands. Slows the moment down.
Lets Wicket decide the distance.

She watches his customs. Listens to his sounds. Learns his world before asking him to enter hers.
She even changes what she’s wearing to signal: I’m not here to override you.

Wicket stops backing away.
The room goes less guarded.

Truth gets cheaper.

Episode 1 was inside you.
Your tight chest. Your rising temperature. Your urge to interrupt.

Episode 2 was staying with that emotional signal long enough to choose.
Not reacting. Choosing your response.

Episode 3 is looking up and seeing others.
Because the room has signals too.

The quiet person who normally speaks.
The shorter answers.
The energy shift when that topic lands.

If you miss those, you don’t just miss mood.

You miss reality.

And then you do what most managers do under pressure:
You manage the plan… while the room manages you.

When truth feels risky for the team, it doesn’t disappear.
It goes quiet. It goes private. It shows up later as “surprises.”

Read the room first, or the room will manage you.

Because Empathy makes truth cheaper.

That's it for today, friend.
Catch you next week! ☕

Vaugan

Black to play and force mate.

Solution here

We take a break from the Emotionally Intelligent Manager series.

Time to get personal again.

It’s been a banger of a year for me in terms of change. I barely survived it.

Tune in for some of my reflections and an updated Wheel of Life!

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Disclaimer:
This post contains parody and satirical references to well-known characters, shows, and cultural icons. It is created for educational and humorous commentary on management and leadership. ScaryManagement is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any television networks, film studios, comic publishers, production companies, or performers referenced. All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended. This use is intended as parody and commentary under fair use and related protections in the US, UK, EU, and South African law.