Morning friend!

Hope you are getting into the festive mood already - Ke Dezemba Boss! 🥳

Today we jump straight into Episode 1 of our new series: The Emotionally Intelligent Leader: Self Awareness.

Grab your coffee. ☕

Let’s chat!

There’s a moment before a meeting turns.

Before anyone challenges you.
Before you defend a decision.
Before the tone shifts.

You feel it, but you don’t name it.

That’s where most leadership mistakes actually begin.

Not in what you say.
In what’s already happening inside you.

The best leaders aren’t calmer because they’re better people.
They’re calmer because they notice the moment early enough to stay in control.

Most of us notice it after.

Luke enters the cave expecting an external threat.

There isn’t one.

What confronts him is his own fear: unexamined, unacknowledged, wearing his face.

The cave isn’t testing his strength.
It’s revealing what he carries into every fight.

That’s the point.

Self-awareness isn’t insight after the fact.
It’s seeing yourself before your reaction takes over.

In leadership, the cave doesn’t look dramatic.

It looks like:

If you miss that moment, your pattern runs the meeting.

You talk more.
You push harder.
You manage the room instead of the issue.

Nothing “goes wrong.”

But later, you replay it.

Why did that feel heavier than it should have?
Why did I react like that?

That wasn’t a communication issue.
It was a timing problem.

Those who struggle aren’t unaware.
They are aware too late to change the outcome.

Self-awareness isn’t about fixing emotions.
It’s about slowing them down.

The skill is simple:

Name it early.

The first physical signal.
The first emotional spike.

I’m defensive.
I’m anxious.
I’m trying to control this.

Naming doesn’t make the emotion disappear.
It creates a pause.

That pause (sometimes only a second) is where leadership actually happens.

Without it, your experience works against you.

You feel composed.
Others feel pressure.

You feel decisive.
Others feel shut down.

That gap is the cave.

I still get this wrong.

Recently, I walked into a meeting already braced for resistance on a sensitive topic.
No one had said anything yet, but I was clipped, impatient, closed.

That was the signal.

Normally, I would’ve pushed.
Talked more.
Taken control of the room before it slipped.

Instead, I named it silently: I’m defensive.

Nothing dramatic changed.

But I slowed down.
I asked a question instead of making a point.
I let the silence sit.

The tension wasn’t in the room.

It was in me.

Self-awareness didn’t fix the meeting.
It stopped me from becoming the pressure everyone else had to manage.

That’s the promise of this skill.

Not perfection.
Not emotional mastery.

Just fewer moments where your reaction creates work you then have to undo.

Try this:

In your next tense moment:

And that’s it for Episode 1, friend.

Till next week!

Vaugan

Black to play and force mate.

Solution here

Episode 2 of The Emotionally Intelligent Leader series is coming!

Because naming creates choice.
And choice creates a new problem:

What do you do with the emotion once you’ve noticed it?

That’s self-management.

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Disclaimer:
This post contains parody and satirical references to well-known characters, shows, and cultural icons. It is created for educational and humorous commentary on management and leadership. ScaryManagement is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any television networks, film studios, comic publishers, production companies, or performers referenced. All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended. This use is intended as parody and commentary under fair use and related protections in the US, UK, EU, and South African law.