Morning friend ☕️

Today, we are back on the Emotionally Intelligent Manager series - Episode 4 of 5!

Episode 1 was about noticing the emotional signal inside you.
The tight chest. The urge to interrupt. The moment your body is already leaning forward.

Episode 2 was about holding that moment long enough to choose your response rather than react impulsively.

Episode 3 was about reading others. Because you can read yourself perfectly and still mess up the room.

Episode 4 is about using this awareness to manage interactions successfully.
Especially under pressure.

Because even if you read the room perfectly…
You can still lose the person.

Grab your coffee.
Let’s chat! ☕️

Steerco prep. Tuesday morning. You call the team in.

Share your screen.
Dates are red.
A recovery plan starts forming.

You ask the question managers ask when they want alignment:

“Any concerns before we lock this in?”

Silence.

Not thoughtful silence.
That dry, weightless kind.

One person finally says, “Looks fine.”

And the person who usually saves you,
The one who challenges early,
Who warns you before risk becomes drama,

just nods.

Camera off on the next call.
A 👍 instead of a sentence on Teams.

No conflict.

Just… politeness.

And your body registers it before your brain does.

Because you know what polite means.

Polite means distance.

The steerco is tomorrow.
An exec wants confidence by lunch.

So you do what pressure trains managers to do.

You tighten.

“Okay. Let’s not spiral.
War room mode. Owners. Dates. Next sync.
We’ll recover fast.”

It feels responsible.

It also sends a message you didn’t intend:

Tension isn’t welcome here.

And the thread frays a little more.

Move One: Push the plan through.

“Let’s park that.
We don’t have time for debate.
We need commitment.”

This isn’t bad leadership.

It’s anxious leadership.

And anxiety always taxes truth first.

Move Two: Repair before you recover.

“Pause.

You’re usually the first to challenge me here.
You’re quiet today.

Did I miss something?
Or did I shut something down earlier?”

Not therapy.
Not drama.

Just lowering the cost of truth again.

And yes I’ve avoided move two myself sometimes.

Because repair feels awkward.
And awkward feels slow.

But slow is sometimes the price of honesty.

When relationships weaken, delivery doesn’t collapse first.

Candour does.

People stop correcting you in public.
Stop warning you early.
Stop being “difficult” in the way that protects you.

They become polite.

And the risk doesn't disappear. It relocates.

Two weeks later in steerco, it surfaces as a surprise: a dependency no one challenged, an escalation you didn't expect, a question you can't answer cleanly.

Afterwards, you hear the line that always comes too late: "Yeah… I saw it. I just didn't want to derail the meeting again."

This is the part leadership books rarely name:

Relationship management doesn't optimise for harmony. It optimises for truth-flow.

When truth flows, problems surface early. When it doesn't, they surface later. As damage.

Most managers avoid this next part.

Because when a relationship is already strained, repair feels too slow.

And when it's already broken, contempt feels earned.

But that's where leadership integrity gets tested.

By the time Obi-Wan Kenobi confronts Anakin on Mustafar, the relationship is already broken.

His former apprentice. Like a brother.

Now turned, and determined to destroy him.

They fight. The duel is brutal.

Eventually, Obi-Wan has the edge.

"It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground."

Anakin doesn't listen. He attacks anyway.

And loses everything.

Obi-Wan has won.

He could lecture. Gloat. Say "I told you so."

When someone betrays you this deeply, contempt feels justified.

But instead, through tears, he says: "You were my brother, Anakin."

The relationship is over. He knows that.

But he refuses to end it with contempt.

Because how you handle a rupture teaches everyone else what's safe to say.

If you punish honesty, even failed honesty, truth goes underground everywhere.

You can be firm and kind at the same time.

Anakin fought to win at all costs.

Obi-Wan fought to preserve what mattered most.

Relationship management is not about repairing every relationship.
Some relationships won't survive.
Some shouldn't.

The work is being repair-capable with integrity:

Because how you behave in rupture teaches the system what is safe.

And what is not.

Relationship management is what makes emotional intelligence practical under pressure.

You don't need everyone to agree with you.
You need them to trust that you see them.
Inside that trust, collaboration appears.

Truth-flow beats harmony.

That’s it for today, friend ☕️
Vaugan