Warmth vs Competence

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Morning friend! Happy monday ☕️ 

Today we’re chatting about leading with Warmth vs Competence.

What if you had to pick a boss from Game of Thrones?
Tywin Lannister: Ruthless. Brilliant. Feared.
Tyrion Lannister: Witty. Strategic. Trusted.

Tywin rules with pure competence:
He ensures immediate results.
He demands obedience.
He crushes opposition.

But his people follow him out of fear, not loyalty.

Tyrion, on the other hand, leads with warmth first:
He listens.
He builds trust.
He grows influence.

People don't follow him because they have to.
The follow him because they want to.

Warmth builds connection and trust.

Competence earns credibility.

Where should you focus?

Grab your coffee.

Let’s chat!

The Warmth-Competence Tradeoff: A False Dichotomy

In her book "Presence," Professor Amy Cuddy, highlights that warmth (empathy, trustworthiness, and sincerity), is the more important factor in how people perceive you initially.

People assess your warmth before they assess your competence.

And yet many managers feel they have to choose competence over warmth to be effective in driving results.

New managers who default to this mindset of demonstrating their expertise, making decisions quickly, and driving results will often struggle with engagement, team morale, and long-term effectiveness.

Why?

Because leading with competence alone can create a fearful work environment.

“Without warmth – and hence trust – leaders run the risk of creating a fearful work environment and the dysfunctional behavior associated with it - a lack creativity in problem solving, failing to adapt to strategic threats, managing change poorly, and cre ating a disengaged workforce.” - Charles Carnes, Executive Coach

With this environment, people will hesitate to take risks.

They will fail to adapt to change.

They will disengage.

You will lose.

How to get both right then?

Warmth without competence can erode respect and credibility.

But competence without warmth kills engagement.

How to get the balance right?

Effective leaders first earn trust through warmth.

They build on this trust with competence.

Not the other way around.

Start with Warmth.

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The benefits of starting with Warmth

So, we know that we need both competence and warmth to lead our teams effectively.

But what are the main benefits of starting with warmth?

1. Warmth Builds Trust Faster than Competence
   Employees won’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care. Research on psychological safety (Amy Edmondson) highlights that teams perform better when they feel safe to speak up, take risks, and admit mistakes​

2. Warmth Encourages Buy-in and Motivation
   People don’t just follow managers; they follow those who make them feel valued. Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence emphasizes that great leaders understand and manage emotions. Both their own and those of their team​.

3. Warmth Creates a Foundation for Feedback and Growth
   Without warmth, feedback feels like criticism. With warmth, it feels like coaching. Kim Scott’s ‘Radical Candor’ shows that the best managers challenge their teams while caring deeply about them.

How Can New Managers Implement Warmth & Competence?

Building both warmth and competence into your leadership style takes deliberate effort. Here’s a practical guide:

Step 1: Start with Warmth (First 30 Days)

• Schedule One-on-Ones: Instead of diving straight into work, ask:

  • What motivates you?

  • What’s your biggest frustration?

  • How can I best support you?

• Introduce Yourself Authentically: Share your professional journey, your DISC personality profile, and even a personal anecdote. Vulnerability builds trust.

• Listen 80%, Talk 20%: Use active listening techniques to show you value their input.

Step 2: Layer in Competence (After Trust is Built)

• Clarify Expectations: Use frameworks like the Team Charter and RACI Matrix to set clear roles and responsibilities​

• Show Strategic Thinking: Demonstrate competence by making thoughtful decisions, not rushing to prove yourself. Use a collaborative approach to problem-solving.

• Lead with Consistency: Follow through on commitments, make fair decisions, and model the behavior you expect from your team.

Step 3: Combine Both for Long-Term Success

• Use Empathetic Accountability: Hold team members to high standards, but coach them through challenges instead of harshly punishing mistakes.

• Balance Tough Conversations with Care: When giving feedback, use Kim Scott’s Radical Candor framework. Be direct but show you care deeply​.

• Adapt Your Leadership Style: Use Situational Leadership (Hersey-Blanchard model) to adjust your approach based on each team member’s needs.

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The Bottom Line: Be the Leader your people Trust and Respect

As a new manager, your first few months will define your leadership brand.

Will you be seen as a task-master or an inspiring coach who lifts the team to success?

You don’t have to choose between warmth and competence.

The best leaders earn respect through competence.

But, they gain influence through warmth.

If you want to lead a high-performing team, start by building psychological safety, trust, and strong relationships.

Then, gradually introduce discipline and higher standards.

Remember: Competence gets you in the door, but warmth earns you the keys to unlocking the team’s full potential.

That’s it for today my friend.

Hope this was insightful.

Till next monday,

Vaugan

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