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Morning friend! ☕️
I'm rewriting the Scary Management Playbook.
And for the next 12 weeks, here on the blog, I'll share one leadership moment from the book each week. Not the full story, just the tension hiding inside it.
Each post will take one moment and unpack what it costs.
No carousels this time.
Just one slide. And one idea worth sitting with.
Today: the moment before leadership actually starts.
Grab your coffee. ☕
Let’s chat!
Episode 1: When Saying Yes Means Letting Go
Most leadership stories begin in the wrong place.
They start on Day One.
The announcement.
The first awkward team meeting.
But the real shift happens earlier. In a moment most people never talk about.
The moment before you say yes.
In the Scary Management story, Thandi is a high-performing individual contributor in a large tech organisation.
She's competent. Trusted. The person people quietly rely on when things go wrong.
She hasn't been chasing a management role.
Leadership finds her instead.
Anand, her Head of Engineering, asks her to step in as acting manager for the Sharks. A struggling team with a reputation, a history, and very little patience left for another new manager.
They've burned through three managers in three years.
On paper, it's an opportunity.
In reality, it's a fork in the road.
Thandi stares at the offer for days.
She's already decided, but saying yes out loud feels like stepping off something solid.
She's not afraid of the work.
She's afraid of who she'd have to stop being to do it.
Right now, Thandi knows how she wins at work.
She takes the problem no one else wants.
She delivers.
She keeps the peace.
She doesn't ask for too much.
She makes herself useful.
That identity is stable.
Earned.
Safe.
Leadership doesn't just add responsibility.
It threatens that identity.
Saying yes means stepping out of a version of herself that works.
And into one that hasn't been proven yet.
That's why so many capable people hesitate here.
It's rarely about ability.
It's about the quiet sense that something you rely on is about to change.
We usually tell ourselves the hesitation is about readiness.
"I just need more confidence."
"I should prepare a bit more."
"Let me wait until the timing is better."
But the real tension in this moment is different:
Leadership doesn't first test your competence.
It tests your attachment to who you've been so far.
If you've ever delayed a step up,
Into management, visibility, ownership, or harder conversations,
This moment probably feels familiar.
It's the quiet calculation most people never say out loud:
If I say yes, I can't go back to being excellent in the way I'm excellent now.
Your identity has kept you safe.
But leadership asks you to loosen your grip on it before it gives you anything back.
The Real Question
If you're standing in front of a leadership step right now (formal or informal), here's where most capable people get it wrong.
They ask:
"Am I ready?"
But readiness is almost never the real constraint.
A more honest question is this:
"What version of myself stops working if I say yes?"
Because leadership doesn't first stretch your skills.
It breaks your old advantage.
The things that made you valuable up to now: being reliable, being fast, being the quiet problem-solver.
These don't disappear.
They just stop being enough.
That's the moment Thandi is standing in at the start of this story.
Not doubting her ability.
Not lacking confidence.
Realising that the way she knows how to win won't survive what comes next.
That friction isn't a signal to wait.
It's the cost of entry.
People who stall here aren't weak.
They're attached to an identity that's worked, and hasn't betrayed them yet.
But leadership doesn't begin when you feel ready.
It begins when you're willing to be seen learning a new way to add value.
That's the thread this series will keep pulling.
Not how to manage better.
But how leadership quietly reshapes who you are before anyone else notices.
Key Takeaway
Leadership rarely starts with confidence.
It starts with a quiet decision to let go of how you know how to win,
before anything replaces it.
Until next week,
Vaugan ☕️
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White to play and force mate.
Solution here
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Thandi says yes.
But when she walks into that first team meeting and Anand introduces her as the new acting manager, the room goes quiet.
Not hostile.
Worse.
Polite.
And she realizes something she hadn't prepared for:
The team doesn't trust her yet.
And politeness is doing more damage than conflict ever could.
Next week: What to do when the team doesn't trust you yet, and no one will say it out loud.
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Disclaimer:
This post contains parody and satirical references to well-known characters, shows, and cultural icons. It is created for educational and humorous commentary on management and leadership. ScaryManagement is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any television networks, film studios, comic publishers, production companies, or performers referenced. All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended. This use is intended as parody and commentary under fair use and related protections in the US, UK, EU, and South African law.